There is not a right way to load the dishwasher
Sound like heresy? Keep reading!
I don't know who needs to hear this, but there are many effective ways to load a dishwasher, not just your way.
Wait! Keep reading! It gets better I promise.
This month we have been talking about the invisible labor that women carry and how to value each other's time more equally. Today I'd like to give you a tool that helps you find common ground on invisible labor so you can both feel less frustrated...and in turn find more arousal for sex!
Back to the dishwasher.
You may never speak to me after I say this, but I load the dishwasher WILLY NILLY. The top shelf is especially prone to carnage and chaos. When I open the newly clean dishwasher, the water bottles, cups, ramekins and wooden spoons look like they've had a steaming hot orgy in a tornado. It is haphazard and disorganized and guess what? I DON'T CARE. Would I eat off of them? Yes? Then we are good.
What my partner Nate and I both do care about is that the dishwasher is run every night. Every. Night. Waking up to dirty dishes in the dishwasher (or worse...in the sink), is a surefire ticket to Grumpy Town for both of us. Everything else about the dishes is not that important to me.
So for dishes, this is our household's Minimum Standard of Care. They get run every night. That's it! Remember I said Minimum. Not the Perfect Standard of Care. So how they get loaded is up for interpretation, as long as they get loaded and washed every night.
If dishes were on my husband's list of responsibilities, let's just say those dishes would be in alphabetical order then arranged by height and lastly by color. But dishes aren't on his list of responsibilities most days, so he has to just accept how I do it. Even though I know for a fact my flare for chaotic top shelf loading gives him heart palpitations.
On the flip side, when it comes to his agreed upon responsibilities, I have had to learn to let go of My Standard of Care and go with our agreed upon Minimum Standard of Care. For example, we work weekly to share childcare duties fairly, but it took us a while to develop a Minimum Standard of Care for this one. One time when the twins were 5 and I was going to be out for the day, I started to give him an exact run down of what their schedule needed to be for the day, who was going to eat what and how he needed to be sure to check in with Ella 10 times an hour as she was feeling sad that morning.
Nate stared at me, and then calmly said, "Celeste, sometimes when you micromanage my childcare I feel like you don't trust me to care diligently for our children. And that's really hard to hear."
Damn.
That's when we started to understand that there was a Minimum Standard of Care for our kids. They need to be fed, safe and emotionally seen. But
how that happens is up to each parent when they are on their own for childcare. That day, Nate took the girls to the splash pad, the art museum and then out for sushi. Which is WAY more than I would have attempted to do in one day with two 5 year olds by myself. But that's his jam! He doesn't mind a little chaos and managing a few hungry meltdowns. He'll take trips to the gas station for crakers and water in order to have a full, fun exploratory day! I do things differently. I over-prepare and under schedule. I try to pre-manage meltdowns with crackers, tic tacs and water bottles in my backpack to hand out profusely before eruptions happen. And I don't plan as many outings. And if we can be honest, neither is a better system. They both meet our Minimum Standard of Care. Fed, safe, seen.
Once I started to let go of MY perfect standard of care and expect simply the Minimum Standard of Care I started to relax. Turns out my husband is a phenomenal provider, especially when he feels the freedom to do it in a way that works for him.
So this week, I'd love for you to choose one responsibility and talk about the Minimum Standard of Care with your partner. Once you can agree upon a minimum, you can let go of the rest! You can stop micromanaging and free your mental space for other things that bring you more pleasure.
CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR HOW IT GOES!
With love,
Celeste
SPOTLIGHT
I came across Latoya on instagram a few weeks ago and I have absolutely adored her thoughts on movement, eating and life. She’s a chef, runner, journalist and activist and if that’s not enough, she’s hilarious to boot. Check her out on Instagram and buy her a cup of coffee with the link in her bio!
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