How church creates low libido
Most of the women that I work with who grew up in church (specifically church that promotes purity culture) also relate to me that they have low libido, meaning they don't feel like they get aroused for sex very easily or at all...at the very least, less than their partner. I'd like to get straight to the point of why I believe this phenomenon exists, based on the Sexual Hierarchy of Needs Theory.
The way we experience great, pleasurable, liberated sex actually has an order. You start at the bottom with the physiological. You have to know how you define sex, how your body works and how your partners body works. Then, you have to feel safe and consentual in your sexual experiences. The third level is belonging. You need to feel like you belong in that sexual scenario in order to feel pleasure, and then the top of the pyramid, liberation.
The purity culture messages from the church tell women that sex isn't safe. In a million different ways, on a million different days...this is the underlying message. Sex will make you unlovable. Sex will make you pregnant. Sex will give you an STI. Men will sexually assault you if you show too much skin. Your body isn't a safe for others to be around. Sex will keep you out of heaven. Sex will TIE YOUR SOUL TO A PENIS. (This one kills me.) This list of the ways in which the church has told women that sex is unsafe is freaking long.
These messages get internalized and the body responds by doing the exact thing the body is meant to do. It actively works to keep you safe by doing everything in it's power to keep you from doing the behavior (sex) it has been told it's entire life was unsafe.
Enter stage left: LOW LIBIDO.
Libido is complex and deeply impacted by environment and context. It is not at all as simple as "hormones" or "the right lingerie."
If your partnership frequently has arguments about sex frequency because you very rarely feel like having sex, I'm here to tell you that there is another way. You can permanently end that conflict. But it is going to take work to undo how you AND your partner think about arousal.
If ya'll are ready to work on this, and finally find liberation in your sex life, click the button below. The Low Libido Group Coaching includes two, two hour group coaching sessions that will give you the tools to understand the complexity of libido and how to FINALLY get on the same page about it.
Rooting for you,
Celeste
SPOTLIGHT
Bea Dixon founded Honey Pot Co. after suffering from vaginosis for months without relief. She has created this feminine care line that is plant powered and backed by science. Thanks for taking such good care of our vaginas Bea!