Matchmaker Maria (If you don't follow her, please do) pointed out the difference between two types of love the other day and it intrigued me. There are multiple Greek words for love, two of which are Eros and Agape. Eros is the passionate self-focused love, wanting to acquire. Then there is Agape, meaning the transcendent love that persists despite circumstances, wanting to give. You can go on a full scholar mode just digging into these concepts and how they have been analyzed and perceived by many, including Plato, Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud, Martin Luther King Jr, Anders Nygren and many others. But I'd like to take a stab at my own interpretation.

Some say that you cannot have both - we should strive to only experience Agape. But I disagree. For a successful long term relationship - one with a satisfying sex life especially, I think we need both.

Eros in the beginning of a relationship is easy, because there is novelty and a healthy sense of irresponsibility. Passion and the desire to acquire is the whole point! Over time, Agape love surfaces. When things get hard and Eros is at times faint and frustrated, Agape comes in and gives security to the passion. Steadiness to the erotic. The anchor is welcome, wanted...until it feels boring. Then (hopefully) we work to invite Eros back in. (Trip to Velvet Box anyone?)

What I often see in my practice is that Agape is strong in a couple and it feels weird to have to work for Eros, because it didn't feel like work in the beginning. It actually WAS work in the beginning, but it was veiled in novelty, which helps it feel easy. I feel like successful couples understand the blend of Eros and Agape types of love, and embrace the work it takes to give and receive both.

Nate and I are celebrating 15 years married today, June 24th. :) Our ''crystal" wedding anniversary. I have been a witness and a participant in both Eros and Agape love within our partnership. The blend is difficult but worthy work, but the beauty of long term relationships is the data you can collect over time. It's a wonderfully interesting longitudinal study in love - both Eros and Agape. The longer you are together, the faster you can dig into your stores of either type. And the quicker you can move through the difficult parts.

Today I'm deeply grateful for this man and in reverence for our love. One that has both room to exhale and an everlasting hold.

So tell me, how are you experiencing both Eros and Agape?

Rooting for you,

Celeste