People often ask me if I could do it over, would I have chosen to have penetrative sex before marriage.

My answer is: I wish I'd had the choice.

Imagine that you are given a beautiful bottle of magic elixir. It has your name on it written in lovely jade and gold. The liquid inside is said to bring you great pleasure and joy! Amazing! You stare at the bottle, imagining what the liquid tastes like on your tongue.

However, you are also told you cannot drink from the beautiful bottle before your 26th birthday. The people you trust said if you drink from the bottle before your 26th birthday, you will be hit violently in the knees with a golf club. Yikes.

You also notice that there is a complicated lid on the bottle. When you ask how you are supposed to open the bottle on your 26th birthday, everybody just nods and says, "Oh, you'll figure it out!" Nobody tells you how to open the bottle up. In fact, they tell you not to even try to figure out the complicated cap before your birthday or else the golf club comes out.

So the question is, do you still have the freedom of choice to open the bottle or have your options been manipulated? Are you being blackmailed? Is this really freedom?

This is how I view the "choice" to have sex before marriage when you grow up in purity culture. You are told that the "best" way to have sex is to wait until marriage and if you don't, bad things will happen. You will go to hell, you will be undesirable and you will be not enough. And if you do "choose" to have sex before you are married, there won't be any information on how to do it well or safely.

But go ahead! It's your choice! It's your "free" will (with a heavy side of shame that coerces you into doing it the "right" way!).

So if I had to do it again, would I have had penetrative sex before marriage? I don't know, because I was never given the option to explore on my own without shame and fear from my church community.

What were the "choices" that you were given regarding sex?

LET'S VOW TO DO BETTER WITH OUR KIDS, GIVING THEM COMPREHENSIVE, PLEASURE FOCUSED SEX EDUCATION THAT ALLOWS THEM TO MAKE THE CHOICES THAT ARE HEALTHIEST FOR THEM.

Much love,

Celeste

SPOTLIGHT

B Condoms is the only Black owned condom company that focuses on ending health disparities in the Black community. They partner with non-profits to provide condoms and create programs that reduce STI transmission and reduce human trafficking in the Black community.

If I had to do it over, would I have waited until marriage?

Celeste Holbrook