Can you sexually pivot?
Last week we talked about how to make sex intentional to help lower anxiety about when sex is going to happen and reduce fear of the rejection when you initiate. If you missed that one, you can catch it here!
But what if you get to the time that you have set aside to get physical and you are really gassy? Or your kid had a nightmare and needs soothing? Or you JUST. CAN'T. What do you do then?
This is a fantastic question because it mirrors the reality of life. Here are the steps to take when intentional sex gets derailed.
First, don't judge yourself or your partner for the change in plans. It's just a very very normal part of life.
Next, sexually pivot. Learn how to pivot to something that will work for both of you. Remember that sex is always a negotiation. If you get to the moment you are supposed to start sex but you have eaten so many breadsticks from Olive Garden that it feels like you might rocket launch to the ceiling from toots if you are even remotely touched below the belly button, consider trying something different that night. Maybe your partner comes on your breasts instead of penetrative sex. Maybe you two cuddle and make out for connection. Maybe you make a plan for having sex in the morning instead. Sexual agility is a pillar on which you can build a long lasting and fulfilling sex life. It means that when you have other life altering experiences like grief, or chronic pain, or a full mastectomy, or erectile dysfunction, you will have the capability to continue to connect physically in a way that feels best for both of you, even if it looks a bit different than you had planned.
The second added benefit of sexual pivoting is that every sex initiation and intentional plan ends with a YES! Sometimes it is "Yes, let's do it tomorrow!" and sometimes it is "Yes, let's get creative and do it this different way!" but always a yes.
Most of all, intentional sex and sexual pivoting allow each of you to be empowered to negotiate and create the sex life that suits you both best. And THAT is awesome.
So, tell me how you will start to develop your sexual pivoting this week?
Love you,
Celeste
SPOTLIGHT
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