Are you saving yourself? No, I don't mean saving your "virginity" for marriage. What I mean is are you saving yourself from the damage of purity culture? Are you saving yourself from the negative sex messages that you might have received growing up? You know, the messages that told you sex was dangerous? And you would go to hell or (even worse) be unlovable if you had sex, thought about sex or dressed "sexually?" The messages that harbored in your body and now causes you physical pain, low libido and feelings of shame about sex? Yes those messages. Are you saving yourself?

If you'd love to move beyond the purity culture messaging that is impacting your ability to have pleasurable and connective sex but do not know how, I'm your gal. I'd like to introduce you to a concise roadmap of what it looks like to repair the damage of purity culture and lack of sex ed so that you can have the sex life that you have been craving.

Awareness [01]

In order to make any shifts, you must become aware of what is and what you want to become. This is the same in sex too. Write down some words to describe how you feel about sex right now and then write some words about how you would like to feel in your dream sex scenario.

Deconstruction [02]

Now that you know where you are and where you want to be, it is time to take a look at the roadblocks the keep you from getting from here to there. Write down the sexual messages you received implicitly and explicitly growing up. Draw out some themes.

For example, sex is dangerous, sex will automatically be good if you wait, you are responsible for other people's arousal, sex is for reproduction only. Then make some connections to how you feel now. If sex feels like a chore or an obligation, could it be because you were told that you and your body were in charge of the arousal of men? If you experience pain during intercourse, could it be that you were told you were going to be unwantable if you had sex before you were married, so your body (not understanding marriage certificates or time) holds on to that message and tries to keep you safe from the dangerous thing (sex) by providing pain when it happens so you won't do it again?

Vulnerability [03]

Now that you understand the barriers (the messages from purity culture that hold you back), now it is time to take a step into vulnerability and move you forward.

That can be soothing those earlier versions of yourself, or stepping into something new in your sexual experience (sex with the lights on anyone?) or that could be choosing to create new and better boundaries! Whatever it is, vulnerability is your way forward to repairing the damage done so long ago.

Resilience [04]

Once you get familiar with steps one through three, you can begin again as many times as you want. Remember that your sexual growth is a spiral going up. You may feel like you return to the same space, but you are actually one level higher, with more education underneath your belt (literally! lol!).

In the upcoming weeks, we will be diving deeper into each of these steps so you can save yourself (and your sex life) for good!

Love you,

Celeste

SPOTLIGHT

I love to highlight Melissa Pintor Carnagey several times a year because her work is incredible. She is helping families build sexually healthy mindsets from a young age. If you need help talking to your kiddos about sex or finding books and resources, head over to Sex Positive Families and you are sure to find the help you need!

Learn more here!

One on One Consulting

Move from frustrated to freedom with sex with one-on-one help. Use your consult time to find the education and support you need to feel liberated and empowered.

Here are some of the topics that can be covered in a session with Dr. Holbrook:

- sexual pain

- sexual shame

- low libido

- sex education on specific sex topics

- establishing a sexual ethic

- moving past sexual obligation

- freedom in your sexuality

And many more...

Get on my schedule here!