Physician Foreplay - How to Seduce a Doctor
Here's a throwback pick to 2007 BC (Before COVID) when I was learning how to seduce my very own ER doc.
A few years back I was published on Gomerblog, which is a satirical medical blog - sorta like The Onion, but for healthcare workers. My article was about what kind of arousing activities someone in each specialty might like. As my thankfulness and gratitude for healthcare workers continue, I thought I'd share this one with you as an ode to the profession that is saving our lives...literally.
Physician Foreplay 101
Seduce any doctor by using valuable information about his or her specialty to ensure total success in the bedroom.
Emergency Medicine
Go skydiving to get the adrenaline going. Speed home. Once there, run upstairs and cut off each other’s clothes with trauma shears. Now naked, tell him EXACTLY what brought you into the bedroom. (Hint: His bulging biceps… not something that you love about him from ages ago.) Have great sex. Repeat.
General Surgery
Turn the air conditioner to 50 degrees. Turn on her favorite music. Play strip Jenga. Everytime she moves a block successfully, you take off an item of clothes and vice versa. (Hint: Do not count on her being unsuccessful. She has a Very. Steady. Hand.) Get naked. Have great sex. Recover.
Dermatology
Three words: Erotic sunscreen massage. Nothing gets a derm hotter than the correct application of sunscreen. Then how about a couple’s sexy mole check? Have great sex and follow-up weekly.
Radiology
Turn out the lights. Turn on the soft, sexy blue glow of an iPad. Ask about his stocks, investments, and Clash of Clans level. Have great sex. Report back.
Internal Medicine
Create a sexy mystery hunt in your house. At every clue, make your internal medicine physician answer no less than 14 questions about you. She will answer each question calmly and completely; incredibly attractive! When she finally makes it to the bedroom, be waiting there naked as her reward. Have great sex. Feel accomplished.
OB/GYN
This one is pretty simple. Just be ANYTHING but hormonal, pregnant, or menopausal and you will have great sex. Period.
Anesthesiology
Try giving these mathletes a chance to strut their stuff by asking them to add, subtract, or multiply large numbers throughout the day. Oooh and aaah over their quick answers. Later on, you can stroke their ego even more by telling them they can examine any part of your body below the neck. (Hint: This is uncharted territory for our anesthesiologist friends, so don’t be surprised if they have questions.) Have great sex. Sleep soundly.
Orthopedic Surgery
Wear his lettered high-school football jacket with nothing underneath and challenge him to a push-up contest. (For added arousal, agree to watch his favorite Super Bowl re-run from 1997.) Do some physical therapy stretching exercises, per his suggestion, have great sex, and then call and thank him because you are now running sub 6-minute mile due to his perfect sex prowess.
Thanks again to ALL of our healthcare workers, tirelessly moving us toward healing.
Rooting for you,
Celeste
SPOTLIGHT
Dr. Danielle Lane is one of my favorite physicians to follow on Instagram. She is an OB/GYN and fertility specialist who offers excellent information and her reels are hilarious! Give her a follow to get more of her quality content.