Last week, we talked about how to reframe our own insecurities about our body by placing the responsibility where it belongs. Instead of saying "I feel insecure about my _____." try "Beauty Industry is yelling at me about my __________." If you missed it, you can get caught up here.

Click here for last week's blog

This week, we are going to talk about how to lower the voices of society's standards of beauty. How do we quiet all that noise? Keep reading, because my answer might surprise you!

Imagine this. You go for a walk every day to get your morning coffee. There is this one street that always has hecklers on it. These people are standing on the side of the road, and they are hurling nasty insults at you, specifically about your body. They are there almost every day, every time you go out for a walk. How do you handle this situation? There are several options.

1. Ignore and keep walking until you can't hear them anymore.

2. Yell back that what they say is untrue and mean. Maybe even flip the bird.

3. Take a longer way around so you can't hear them at all.

How might you deal with the loud voices of the beauty standards - those hecklers on the street that you must walk by? (Quick reminder: step one is to place the responsibility of those negative comments where they belong...on the hecklers.) Well, let's use me as an example.

Beauty Industry has been yelling at me for a long time, telling me I'm not feminine enough. I'm six feet tall, flat chested and generally into more "masculine" activities. Case and point, above is a picture of me in 8th grade, on a Harley. This was my typical fashion. Head to toe denim and a chain wallet as my "accessory." Putting a dress on me had the same effect as putting balloons on that Harley. My favorite activities included horses, driving the tractor with my dad and trying to record Green Day songs on cassette tapes when they came on the radio. Mortifyingly, some bra company had come up with a sizing system that included the word "barely" My bra size was "Barely A." A particularly hurtful comment made to me in 8th grade was that nobody knew if I was walking backward or forward because my chest was as flat as my back.

The hecklers on the street told me I didn't look good enough for people to even register me as desirable, as feminine.

As a grown adult, here is how I currently handle those loud voices. This is just my way, and you may do it differently. But if any part of this feels validating to you, then great.

1. When I hear the voices that say I'm not feminine enough I acknowledge the voices, place the responsibility where it belongs and then think about how my body is the least interesting thing about me. Keep walking.

2. When I hear the voices that say I'm not feminine enough, I flip the bird and in the words of Rose McGowan yell back. "There's no right way to be a woman!" Keep walking.

3. When I hear the voices that say I'm not feminine enough, I reduce the harm of those voices and avoid hearing them altogether. I actually engage in the Beauty Industry because it is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO SHUT THE HECKLER'S UP. I get the fake eyelashes. I put on the makeup. I wear the push up bra. I put on the spanx. I take the longer route because the mean voices get softer and I can focus on what I'm actually placed on this earth to do: To be a sex educator. To raise my babies. To enjoy the earth. To celebrate. To grieve. To learn. To pet all the horses. Sometimes I put on the makeup to quiet the voices enough to live my full life.

Your whole purpose in life is not to dismantle society's unrealistic beauty standards for women. In fact, it isn't any one woman's responsibility. Not at all. But unfortunately we are the ones who can make a change and quiet the voices. So we do it together. (As a side note, many of my very favorite people work in the Beauty Industry. Zero of them want you to feel badly about yourself. They are here to help you quiet the voices stemmed from patriarchy so that you can do your life's purpose. These wonderful women, individually, are not the issue. I think of them as undercover spies, working within the system to dismantle it. It is the system that is hurting us.)

Here's how I see us coming together to quiet the voices. One of us embraces our stretch marks and allows the rest of us to feel ease. Another one of us neutralizes and shows her soft body, and the rest of us feel ease. Yet another woman shows us all her amazing wrinkles, and the rest of us feel ease. One by one, we show up for each other in the ways that we can. One by one we walk by and show the hecklers, no this, THIS is beauty. This confidence is beauty. This assertiveness is beauty. This softness is beauty. This irregularity is beauty. This uniqueness is beauty. This togetherness, all of us showing up where we can, supporting one another's walk, is beauty.

There's no right way to be a woman. So ignore the Beauty Industry hecklers, flip off the Beauty Industry hecklers, or enjoy the silence of the Beauty Industry by engaging in it so you can LIVE YOUR ONE DAMN LIFE IN PEACE. However you choose, know that I'm here, loving you. Loving us, in all of our beauty.

xo, Celeste

SPOTLIGHT

Bea Dixon founded Honey Pot Co. after suffering from vaginosis for months without relief. She has created this feminine care line that is plant powered and backed by science. Thanks for taking such good care of our vaginas Bea!