If you've ever felt like scheduling intimacy sounds unsexy... hear me out.

The vast majority of people I work with (especially straight men) say they wish sex was more spontaneous. But what they really mean is that they wish sex took less effort to get into.

I gently try to say…grow the eff up. Everything in your life worth doing takes effort. And if you want your sex life to happen at all, you will have to at least talk to your partner a bit about when the best time for arousal to show up might be that week/ month/ year.

Creating intentionality about when and how sex could happen gives everyone clarity, which lowers anxiety and can improve healthy anticipation. It also lowers the bristle effect (moving away from your partner during general affectionate touch because you think it is an initiation) by helping you connect affectionately (not erotically) on days when sex is off the table.

So go ahead…have a conversation about when arousal might have the best chance of showing up. You might just have the best sex of your life!