Most of the clients that I see in my practice say they want sex to be easier. And usually they don’t mean sex itself, but the effort it takes to get into sex. So many of us have to do mental gymnastics to initiate or receive an initiation for sex. It feels so difficult! I get it!

But there is a better way - a way to communicate that helps both of you feel seen and not defensive.

But here is the kicker. It’s super….normal. Meaning, it isn’t incredibly erotic and it does take effort. It takes making sex intentional instead of leaving it up to the wind and hoping the margins of your life open up at exactly the same time, revealing two humans who are aroused the exact same amount!

It starts with talking about the hurdle of environment. Arousal is incredibly contextual and very influenced by what is happening around you. You must address the environment if you want to have sex that everyone is into. It looks like this, “Hey the kids are at the grandparents this weekend, do you think we could carve out some time to see if arousal shows up?”

A question that is very mindful, very demure. And one that is more likely to lead to sex than walking up to your partner, slapping their ass and saying, “You wanna do it?”

See what I mean?

We will spend lots of September in this newsletter talking about the hardest part of sex (pun intended) which is actually….the part before sex where you are agreeing to get into sex.

Can’t wait to see you next week!