Everyone wants to be normal, but nobody wants to be ordinary.

Never is this statement more true than in sex. Ask any sex educator anywhere, and their very tippy top client question is..."Is this normal?"

Followed by the second most asked question..."How do I spice things up?"

We want to be normal, but please for the love, ordinary sex just isn't doing it for us anymore.

Let me suggest to you that although there are sexual experiences that are percentage wise more common, that doesn't mean they are normal for you. And there are plenty of sexual experiences that will feel ordinary for one person and extra spicy for another. So why are we so obsessed with being normal but not ordinary?

I have a theory. It comes down to the push pull between feeling safe and feeling erotic. Feeling in-line and also adventurous. Wanting to belong while also wanting to stand out. Normal but also not ordinary.

Managing this push pull can come with a change in your thought process around sex. Start focusing not on what everyone else is doing to be normal, but rather what behaviors help you feel what you want to feel in sex. Want to feel intimate, close, connected? Maybe that means you slow down, or have more conversation, or plan more after care. Want to feel erotic and wild? Maybe that means you try something new or roleplay a scene outside of your comfort zone.

Either way, focusing on what you, individually want to feel out of sex can move you out of that push pull of normal and not ordinary to sex that is simply...yours.

Thinking of you!

Celeste