Is sex a performance or an experience?

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Is sex a performance or an experience?

During sex do you wonder if you sound "sexy" or if your moves are correct? Do you wonder what you look like? Are you wondering if you are doing sex right? Are you and your partner mainly focused on reaching a goal like orgasm?

These are thoughts that go through the minds of many people having sex. Unfortunately these thoughts treat sex like a performance that you do instead of an experience that you feel.

But it makes sense that we would view sex this way, because performance based sex is the ONLY sex we are ever modeled. Think about where you ever saw people having sex. Let me guess. It was on the TV or computer, am I correct? 100% of the sex we see in media is a performance. And because we don't often get comprehensive pleasure focused sex education we are led to believe that these performances are great examples of sex. Loud, thrusty, quick and clean.

So how do you move from performance based sex to experience based sex? Try sinking into your sensations. What do you feel? What do you taste? What are you hearing? Listen to your body. What does it want? What movement would feel good for you? It might not be an arched back with huffy screaming. It might be more soft touches and grinding. It might not "look" the way you think it should, but hopefully it feels more authentic, pleasurable and connective.

Rooting for you, always.

Celeste

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SPOTLIGHT

Wondering what to say to your 9 year old about the word "queer?" Unsure how to bring up the topic of porn with your 5 year old after they came across an anal sex video on you tube? Please check out Melissa Pintor Carnagey's amazing resources at sexpositivefamilies.com for all the resources you need categorized by age and topic. A must have resource for all families raising kiddos!

I JUST HAVE TO SAY-

No matter how you got here, thank you. 

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