Did you come?
This morning, I went for a run and I didn't complete the number of miles I had planned.
Old me would have been disappointed I didn't complete the goal.
However, new, integrated, experience-focused me looks at things a little differently. Now, I see an entire list of amazing experiences I DID have on my run. Did I complete my mileage? No...BUT:
Did I move my body with joy? Yes
Did I spend time with my dogs who will now be more relaxed after exercise? Yes
Did I connect to my body through movement? Yes
Did I reduce anxiety? (I call this "exercising the demons.") Yes
Did I experience the outdoors? Yes
Did I write this newsletter in my head while running? Yes
I have at least 10 more but you get the point.
This happens in sex all the time. Performance based sex looks like judging your sexual experience based on if there was an orgasm.
"Did you come?" becomes the litmus test of sex and this is wildly problematic.
Most people indicate that they want some combination of pleasure and connection in sex. Could we get curious about how sex can be incredibly pleasurable and connective regardless of the presence or absence of an orgasm?
Here are some examples of experiential focused sex based on pleasure and connection. It is incredibly helpful if you turn your focus to your senses and your feelings in order to have sex that is more experientially based.
Did you feel closer to your partner?
Did you feel the softness of the sheets?
Did you experience the connection of skin to skin touch?
Did you feel relaxed?
Did you enjoy the sound of your partner's kiss?
Did you relish in the unadulterated time together without screens or distractions?
Did you enjoy the taste of your partner's skin?
Expanding your sexual experiences and making pleasure and connection the measure of success will help you feel more satisfied and comfortable in your sex life.
GO AHEAD, START ASKING YOURSELF BETTER SEX QUESTIONS!
Love,
Celeste
SPOTLIGHT
Today I'd love to bring your attention to the group Decolonizing Contraception. This non-profit was formed by Black and people of color that work in sexual and reproductive health. They work to increase awareness about the colonial influence in the practices of sexual health. Decolonizing helps address the health inequalities present in sexual health. Please consider supporting this non-profit by donating on their webpage.
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