Are kids really innocent?
Me and my twins, Ella and Zoe.
What are we really saying to kids?
When we are working to deconstruct our own purity culture or other types of problematic sex messages received as younger people, we are often doing it, at least in part, so that we can do better with our own kids.
This is so beautiful. It really is. I have nothing but mad respect for people doing the hard work of breaking generational shame around sex so that their kids struggle less.
I want to give you some perspective if you are doing this work yourself. One of the sentences that I hear the most in regards to talking to your kids about sex is this:
"I don't want to take away their innocence."
This one sentence makes me want to shave my head and pour Cholula in my eyeballs. Here's why.
The opposite of innocence is guilt. When we say we don't want to tell kids about sex because it will take away their innocence, we are actually saying,
"I don't want my kid to be GUILTY."
What the Frito Pie?
Since when was education equivalent to guilt? Giving your kids sex education does NOT make them guilty of anything. It actually makes them informed enough to make their own healthy decisions. And when we think about them making sexual decisions, we get weirded out as parents because we haven't healed our own stuff around sex.
What we really mean when we say "innocent" is actually "naive." I don't want to take away my kids' naivety. We want our kids to remain clueless about sex because that is easier for me as a parent.
Don't you burn yourself on this hot tea I'm serving.
Okay, so here I am back to encourage you about this hard, long term work of deconstructing shame in your sex life so you can do better with your kids than your parents did with you.
You are not stripping innocence. You are empowering your kid with information.
You got this friend. I'm rooting for you!
Celeste
SPOTLIGHT
Lalah Delia
Lalah is an author, spiritual writer, and wellness educator who has been a force in the self-care space, encouraging and empowering us all to mindfully care for ourselves with her Vibrate Higher Daily platform.
