Embarrassed and Alone
I've had exactly 42 discovery calls in the past three months with Christian women who are not married. Most have either had very few sexual experiences due to growing up in purity culture, or are working through feeling shame about the sex experiences they have had. On our call, many of them have said these exact words:
“I feel embarrassed and alone.”
They are feeling embarrassed because they don't have much sexual knowledge and they are feeling alone because they think they are the only one their age.
I find myself feeling first tender toward these women who thought that if they waited to have sexual experiences, everything would turn out perfect. And that didn't happen.
But next I feel angry.
I'm angry that purity culture left them in the dark, with no sex ed and no room to explore without social consequences. And here they are at 27 or 45 or 63 realizing that they have been swindled. Cheated out of exploring relationships because they "kissed dating goodbye." Tricked into a body of modesty so as to not "tempt the men." What a racket.
Now I listen as they tell me they are ready for something more.
They want to masturbate without shame. They want to date without being embarrassed. They are ready to be free to explore and make their own decisions about sex without the fear of judgement or ruined "futures."
If you are one of these women, I want you to know I'm rooting for you.
As you crawl from the rubble of purity culture and find a sexual ethic that is right for you...and only you, I'm scream-cheering for you. Regardless of what that sexual ethic looks like, I'm hoping that it is fully yours. I hope you can begin to move forward making decisions based on pleasure-focused sex education, your value system and your own intuition.
May liberation, confidence and community be on your horizon, friend.
Love,
Celeste
SPOTLIGHT
Jimanekia Eborn
Jimanekia Eborn is a queer media consultant, sex educator and sexual trauma expert.
Click here to check out her amazing podcast called the Trauma Queen.
THE HEART OF SEX
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