In high school history class, I was told that I needed to put on a sweater because the straps of my tank top were too thin, causing the "gentlemen to be distracted." I was totally embarrassed.

Did something like this happen to you too? Yes? Did you know that this type of experience could be impacting your sex life in adulthood? Follow me here. Policing clothing implies that your body is responsible for the arousal of men. It also teaches us that men have no control over their arousal. Therefore women must take the responsibility of not arousing them by what we wear.

As an adult, this message becomes, "You are responsible for a man's arousal."

This message may also become, "sex is only good if you look good."

The result is several things. First, feeling ashamed when sex isn't great because it feels like your responsibility. Next, thinking that sex is the biggest offering you have in a relationship. And finally, thinking that good sex happens because you look good, and that is what keeps your husband faithful.

All of this perceived overwhelming responsibility to be the one that creates good sex is the death blow to your arousal.

This is when sex starts to feel like a chore.

The good news is that you can combat this feeling by owning your own pleasure, letting your partner own their pleasure and co-creating your sexual experiences.

Here's to you and your short skirt!

love,

Celeste