Last week I was talking to a friend who is a therapist. She asked me how things were going in general. Without even thinking about it, I just rattled off, "Everything feels hard and crappy."

There was a silent beat and then we both burst into laughter. Just saying it out loud and laughing at the ridiculous truth of it all, I felt better.

I don't know how you feel, but here in Texas, with a husband working in the ER every day, things are hard. Seemingly simple activities in non-pandemic life feel like enormous efforts right now. Seeing friends or buying groceries or getting your car inspected are herculean tasks that come with a zoom password and a dose of anxiety.

With the exception of Trader Joe's, one of the only places I've physically been to in months was my voting place. The proposition I voted against, passed anyway, a mistake I believe will negatively affect our community for 10 years. Like many of you, vacations have been cancelled, re-booked and then re-cancelled, which in the big scheme of people dying from a pandemic seems shallow to mourn, and yet I do.

Because of the immense privilege I have, I also sometimes feel guilty for things being difficult. But that doesn't change the fact that stuff is hard, for me and for everyone else. Roses are red, stuff is hard. Facts.

I'm theatrically encouraging my children every day that we are one day closer to seeing their pals, even though I'm not sure I believe it myself. At the dinner table, when my husband is home, we place a timer on how long we can talk about COVID, so our children don't worry. They've often asked me if Nate was going to die if he gets COVID at work. I kindly lie to their face and tell them it could never happen, trying to convince myself as well.

You are probably waiting for the "but here's what to do to let it feel easier and make everything better..."

Plot twist, I'm not going to do that. Stuff still just feels hard.

That needs to be okay. You don't have to reframe. You can just let it be difficult, because it is. Feeling the difficulty doesn't mean you are throwing yourself a pity-party. It simply means you are acknowledging the heaviness and recognizing cognitively what your body already knows. It is authentic.

I've learned from distance running not to confuse "difficult" with "weak" or even "unhappy." Difficult simply means difficult. In fact, when you are running and it begins to feel like a grind, you know you are making gains. Getting stronger. Faster. More efficient. And the majority of the time I run, I also feel happy and wild. But that doesn't make it easier or more simple. It still feels strenuous.

Allow yourself to feel the grind. Give yourself permission to be honest about how hard things are. Be authentic. Difficult is difficult. And acknowledge that difficult doesn't have to mean weak or unhappy. It's just difficult.

Rooting for you as you continue to do the hard stuff.

Love,

Celeste

Spotlight

Patrice Banks is the creator of Girls Auto Clinic. Girls Auto Clinic is a female empowerment company that educates, empowers, and caters to women by offering automotive buying and repair resources, services, and products targeted to women by women.

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