You might be surprised what I often tell clients
You may be surprised that as a sexologist I often tell clients to stop having sex. Yep.
Okay, not forever, but for a certain amount of time. I ask this of many clients who are experiencing low libido due to the feeling of pressure for sex.
We talk a lot about how responsibility is the biggest killer of arousal. The passion and desire for sex becomes limited when we feel obligated to do so. When you feel like you should be having sex every time you crawl into bed at night, your desire for sex is going to flicker out very quickly. However, if there is some space, some distance between when you have sex and when you are going to have sex next, you have the time you need to create desire again.
Think about ice cream. You want some cookies and cream? Sound really great? You can remember the taste and that cool, creamy texture...and you find yourself desiring an ice cream cone all the way to the ice cream shop. You desire the ice cream as you are standing in line. As you are waiting to order. As you watch them scoop it out of the freezer. You REALLY want that cone! GIVE IT TO ME!
But as soon as you HAVE the ice cream cone, you can no longer desire it...because you HAVE it. By the nature of the verbs, you cannot WANT something you currently HAVE.
Desire is defined as: "a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen".
Desire is reserved and can only flourish in the space before the wish is granted.
So, this is why I often ask my clients to stop having sex. At least for a bit, with an end goal in mind. Creating intentional desire means creating intentional space.
And here is a little bonus secret. This works for many aspects of your life. The space in between the work is really where the passion and the strength build. How you recover in between workouts, how you sleep is how you synthesize information before a test, how you create moments of quiet reflection and rest when you are doing your personal growth work. The strength is in the rest.
How are you fostering space and rest this weekend?
XO, CELESTE
AMPLIFY
This week, in honor of PRIDE month, I want to amplify the life and work of Marsha P. Johnson.
Johnson was a founding member of the Gay Liberation Front and a beautiful advocate of gay rights. She is one of the leaders of the Stonewall Inn uprising, a violent protest advocating for the LGBTQ community in Greenwich Village in response to an early morning police raid on June 28, 1969. This later became the catalyst for why we celebrate PRIDE in June.
Many people know Johnson for Stonewall, but did you also know that she modeled for Andy Worhol? And when asked about her gender, she said the "P" in her middle name stood for, "pay it no mind." Her drag style was relaxed and flowing and she was known for her flower crowns and her fierce activism.
As part of your personal growth and expansion this week, learn more about Marsha P. Johnson here in this documentary, where you can see one of the only interviews she conducted.
(Photo courtesy of ALLBRIGHT.)