The most intimidating sex question
"What do you want?" This can often be asked with such love and excitement, but if you don't actually know what you want, it can feel very intimidating. Much of the work I do with clients is helping them figure out what feels good. When you know what feels good you can accurately and confidently communicate that to your partner and give informed consent.
Conversely, when we don't know what feels good to our bodies and mind, we can end up feeling frustrated that our partner doesn't meet our needs. I mean, if they loved me, shouldn't they just know what I want? Nope. Sex isn't a game of ESP.
So, knowing what you want and then communicating that effectively can be a challenge. It is an extra special challenge for folks (like me) who grew up in purity culture and were told to actively deny their sexuality. Don't touch yourself, don't dress "provocatively," don't have sex and don't even THINK about sex.
When we are told to deny our natural sexuality in adolescence (oppression), embracing our pleasure in adulthood becomes an act of resistance.
Fortunately, understanding your own sexual pleasure can be as simple as sex education. (Yay!) Earlier this year, I asked you all to give me feedback on a survey - which content areas would you most like to see in 2020. The largest response from you was sexual technique courses! Your responses indicate that sex education is really important to you and that you want it to be targeted. Awesome!
I'm so pleased to tell you that I offer online technique-specific courses through the Velvet Box twice a month on Wednesday nights. The classes are incredibly affordable (10 bucks!) and you can attend them from the comfort of your own home. Use the information you learn minutes after the course with your own partner!
Ever wondered how to stimulate the clitoris? Want to know how to safely use restraints like handcuffs? Can't seem to get the hang of blow jobs? Don't know whether to spit or swallow? Have you been curious about anal play but don't know where to start?
I've got you covered! Check out the class list here and I hope you can attend some time soon.
Remember that sex education leads to knowing more about your body - what you like and don't like and how to communicate those needs. And confidently embracing your pleasure leads to liberation from painful messages of your past that somehow pleasure isn't for you.
Freedom and pleasure in your sex life might begin with a course about your clitoris.
And baby, THAT is what I want.
Love,
Celeste