Today, I welcome you.

Part of my job as a sex educator is to give permission for women to talk about sex. This starts the moment we are introduced to each other. My job is to provide a beautiful, serene space for her to feel comfortable coming forward with the thoughts she's experiencing, as well as the specific parts of sex that she is struggling with. That may mean describing her genitalia, her pain, her true authentic thoughts about sex acts, positions, secretions, fantasies, sex toys, masturbation, and kinks of all brands. What events have happened to her?  What ugly messages was she told about sex? About her body?

When it comes to sexual conversation, I can’t welcome any of it if I don’t welcome all of it. 

The first time I meet with a client, it is usually on the phone (y’all remember phone calls, right?). I like to do discovery calls to see what she has going on and how I may be able to offer some solutions whether it is consulting with me or providing some other resources like books for her to use as her growth continues.

I like to do a phone call first, because it helps me get to know her in real time, unlike a sterile email chain or medical intake form. Over the phone, I can hear her worry, her hesitation, her joys, and her reservations. I can hear them personally and in real time. It is beautiful and vulnerable.

Very often, I hear the phrase, “I’ve never told anyone this before.”  This simultaneously shreds my heart AND fills me with honor. How do I get to be this lucky?  How do I get to be the one?

Here are a few of the things that I hear the most often on these phone calls:

-I don't feel like having sex. Ever. 

-I wish I wanted sex more.

-I’m not really attracted to my partner.

-I fantasize about other people.

-I’ve never had an orgasm.

-My partner wants to do things I don’t want to do.

-I masturbate.  Is that okay?

-I can’t look at or touch my genitals.  Is that okay?

-I feel like sex is not for me, and I just want to do it for him.

-I have faked all my orgasms with him.

-I want more sex than my partner does. 

-I don't get aroused for sex.

-Sex is painful.

-Am I normal?

She is finally here, she is finally able to say what she's been wanting to say but doesn't know who to say it to.  There's a big sigh on the other side of the phone. She has finally let the weight of her experience be lifted and now the experience has multiple carriers. She is not alone.  She no longer has to carry the weight of these words by herself.

The heavy luggage has been set down. I can almost hear the relief over the phone. 

You may not be ready to say your things out loud, and that is okay. You are dealing with stuff on your own, and that is so hard and heavy and sometimes the only thing that feels okay. I'm sending you love.

But if you are ready to let the words escape, I'm here for that too.

I LOVE YOU!