I want you to know your feelings about sex are valid.

No really. I want you to hear this. Your feelings about sex are valid. Your thoughts, emotions and experiences about sex are sacred. Even if they are not normative, possibly skewed, negative or contradictory.

I see you and I hold your thoughts and experience with reverence.

You're not silly for wanting more out of your sex life.

You are not broken for never wanting sex.

You are not weird for wanting something outside of what you think is a sexual norm.

You are not flawed because sex is difficult.

You are not too much if you want more sex.

You are perfect and enough already, in this moment.

I’m here for you. To the best of my ability, I am going to help see you. I’m here to make the process as comfortable as possible. This is my work and I’m confident in it, because I’ve done the work myself. I’ve weathered the storm; I’ve dug out of the snow. I’m reaching back to get you out too.

There is a saying I remember from grad school about the greatest teachers. “Be a guide on the side, not a sage on the stage.” The people I have learned the most from weren’t leaders because they were walking up ahead of me leaving me trailing, stumbling at their heels. They were leaders because they had already been down that road and came back to walk WITH me. They were also going over the same rocks, same ditches, right alongside me. They were leaders because they held the map. When I got tired, they could say, “Whew! I’m so tired too. But there’s only one mile left on this trail. We can do it.”

If I consider the way that we create black and white rules around sex, stemming from religion culture and more, it reminds me about that “sage on the stage” leadership that is distant, ineffective and ultimately harmful. It leaves you scrambling and broken to keep up. No room for messiness or rest. No time for questions. The way we have been conditioned to not question, not even speak about sex is nothing short of tragic. Women are walking around this world with shame and questions about their sex life, too scared to speak out loud about it, afraid of the sage on the stage, telling them that their questions are too much. That they are too much. Too bawdy, too sinful.

Whatever you are struggling with in your sex life, know that we are shattering the idea that you can’t bring them here. This is your safe place. This is where you are known, seen. This is where we gently call your name. And often, the simple act of having someone to share your pain with is the most beautiful part of healing.

Spotlight

Arlan Hamilton

Hamilton’s Backstage Capital supports female, minority and LGBTQ business owners. Its portfolio boasts 50-plus headliners. To date, Backstage Capital has invested more than $2 million in more than 50 enterprises.

Find out more here.