This One Phrase Makes Me Roll My Eyes.

I was in the grocery store the other day and there were two people in front of me. This was the conversation:

Person A, speaking about her locked computer: He tried everything, but he just couldn't get in.
Person B: *giggling* Whoa, that sounded so perverted.
Person A: Whatever. Get your mind out of the GUTTER.

The number one reason why so many of my clients struggle with their sex drive is because they implicitly believe that sex is dirty.

DIRTY.

I used to think the same thing. But it isn't our fault. Our society tells us all the time that sex is inappropriate, dirty, gross, unspeakable and full of shame. (Especially if you grew up in purity culture.)

Here are just a few phrases that reiterate the idea that sex is a shameful act, especially for women. I've also included a positive and more accurate translation, not steeped in limited beliefs.

"Get your mind out of the gutter."
Translation:
"What you just said made me think about sex and now I'm uncomfortable because I'm not secure in my sexuality."

"Talk dirty to me."
Translation:
"I like it when you tell me exactly what you desire or like."

"She's a freak in the sheets."
Translation:
"She is sexually confident and knows what she wants."

Now, I understand that the idea of sex as forbidden can be part of what is erotic or arousing about it, but it is far more important to normalize sex as pleasurable and connective. When we think about sex on these terms, terms that most people would agree is what they want out of sex, it becomes absolutely beautiful.

And when sex feels authentic, attainable and not dirty, you are more likely to want it. So, the next time somebody says to get your "mind out of the gutter," you can respond that if by the "gutter" they mean:

Here I am today in my office, with my mind in the gutter, writing this dirty email. What a freak! Translation: Here I am in my office with my mind on helping people with their sex lives, writing an email about sex. What a confident, well-rounded wo…

Here I am today in my office, with my mind in the gutter, writing this dirty email.
What a freak!
Translation:
Here I am in my office with my mind on helping people with their sex lives, writing an email about sex. What a confident, well-rounded woman!

  • pleasure

  • excitement

  • confidence

  • fun

  • playfulness

  • sensuality

  • connection

  • belonging

  • and arousal

Then you will be more than happy to have your mind stay right where it is.

I love you and I'm rooting for you.

Celeste

Celeste Holbrook