I love fireworks. Any and all kinds. I've told my loved ones that I want to be cremated when I die and shot up in a beautiful fireworks display. That is how I want to be remembered. A blasty-flash of light, color, and noise in a world of darkness.

Even in death, I would like to be dramatic please and thank you.

Anyhow, the Fourth of July is my favorite holiday. Every year without fail, I aim to see a fireworks show. Sensory overload. The BOOM in your chest, the smell of the burning embers, the colorful blasts lit up against a milky black backdrop of smoke and night.

The last few years, we have been watching the fireworks display at our local botanical gardens, where they bring the Fort Worth symphony in to play during the show. I am always delighted when Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture is playing for the grand finale - the loud, chaotic, and wonderful end to the display.

Ella and I about to watch fireworks in 2017

(Side note: Have you ever noticed how everybody says "GRAND finale'" when speaking of the last part of a fireworks display? Nobody says, "Is that the "finale?" Nope, always the GRAND finale. I determine that this is very appropriate.)

I LOVE IT SO MUCH.  ALL OF IT.  THE WHOLE THING. I BARELY BREATHE FROM START TO FINISH.

But, imagine you had a friend who ONLY wanted to watch the grand finale? During all the other parts of the show, they are on their phone, impatiently asking if we were "getting close" every 2 minutes.

What if they were so focused on witnessing the grand finale that they missed out on all this?

sitting on a blanket with friends,
fireflies
anticipating that first whistle-boom and smiling ear to ear when the show starts
peering up into the night sky and taking in each glorious star and color
The National Anthem
blast after blast of happy fireworks with bellies full of cookout food

Have you ever been so focused on orgasm that you missed out on all the pleasure and connection of sex?

We tend to be incredibly goal-oriented as a culture, and this is especially true in sex. We are dead set on having an orgasm or getting to penetration, that we forget that ALL of the erotic, sensual, intimate, connective, arousing activities you do together are part of your sexual experience.

All. Of. Them.

So, instead of focusing so much on the grand finale as the measure of a good experience, let's use Dr. Emily Nagoski's phrase with sex..."pleasure is the measure."

Remember, sex isn't a performance. It is an experience.

Hope you have some lovely restorative wonderful sex this weekend.

I love you,

Celeste

What We Learn About Sex From Fireworks

Celeste Holbrook