Do you argue about s3x?
One of the most common issues I see coming into the practice is one partner who wants sex more often and one partner who wishes they wanted sex more often.
Often (not always) in straight partnerships, the one partner (often the penis owner) is feeling frustrated that their partner doesn't desire sex more. The vulva owning partner is often ALSO frustrated that her libido seems to be "low."
They have typically tried all the traditional "spice things up" behaviors and are realizing that the issue is deeper than some new lingerie could fix.
Does this sound like you? Yes?
That is great news because I LOVE this issue. This is my specialty. Here is where I can be really helpful. Usually I encourage couples like this to commit to four one hour sessions over the course of four months. This is exactly what we do:
Month One
We aim to get CLEAR about what each of you wants and doesn't want in your sex life. This goes far beyond “how much sex” and digs into why we do and don’t want sex. It is just as important to understand why a higher libido partner wants sex as it is to understand why a lower libido partner doesn’t. There is work for BOTH partners here. Often this is the first time you get to have a clear conversation about sexual motivation, because I can guide you through it while tenderly navigating hard feelings about negative past experiences in your sex life.
Your personalized sex homework this month centers on clarity and communication.
Month Two
We work on feeling KNOWN. We spend this month understanding why you each feel the way that you do about sex. We deconstruct the sex messages you received growing up (hello purity culture and toxic masculinity!) and how they continue to impact your sex life in adulthood.
Your tailor made sex homework this month centers around healing your younger self from harmful sex messages that are very different for men and women.
Month Three
We work on feeling EXCITED. You've done the mental work to know what you want to feel in sex and understand how to deconstruct any unwelcome thoughts. Now it is time to try something new! We dig into the erotic sandbox in this session, finding freedom to explore new sexual behaviors while holding very sturdy boundaries.
Your spicy sex homework this month centers around novelty and how to incorporate new sexual experiences based on your sexual growth edge.
Month Four
Here is where we work to feel CONFIDENT in sex. By the time you have done the work of the previous three months, you are learning how to do the healing process of sex on your own. There isn't anything you can't handle in your bedroom now that you know the above steps to repair.
Your homework this month centers on becoming resilient in your sex life by repeating the first three steps when issues arise.
So are you a couple that is ready to stop arguing about sex and start healing together?
Do you want to feel CLEAR, KNOWN, EXCITED and CONFIDENT in your sex life? Then grab a spot on my calendar and let’s get you and your partner feeling amazing this summer.
With pleasure,
~ Celeste
SPOTLIGHT:
I’m recently obsessed with Brittany Howard’s incredible voice. Check her out!