I have a friend who has the best sense of self-deprecating humor. He is the first person at the party who will help you feel comfortably at ease by cracking a joke about himself. He also happens to be a wildly successful entrepreneur as well as terrifically kind and generous. He’s confident enough to be a bit silly and I do believe that this is (at least part of) his secret of success. He takes his business, his friends and his generosity seriously, but not himself.
I admire this skill. It helps others feel both at ease and connected all at once. It is calculated, effective and fun. But it isn’t easy.
It sounds foolish, I know. How in the world could cracking self jokes make a difference in your sex life? It all revolves around taking your relationship seriously, but not yourself. Sex can be complicated, emotional, dramatic and uncomfortably personal. But a few well planned self-deprecating quips can make you both feel much more comfortable. The key is not to slide into self-shaming mode. (That takes you from confidently funny to insecure.)
If you are nerdy like me, you can learn more about self-deprecating humor from this 2008 journal article in Evolutionary Psychology.
If you are also lazy like me, you can skip the article and learn about self-deprecating humor from Taylor Swift’s music video.
Your challenge this week is to take sex more seriously and take yourself less seriously.