Physician Foreplay: Seduce a Doctor According to Their Specialty

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Doctor and nurse kissingI am married to an Emergency Medicine Resident.

One of the first medical gems I learned from him was that not all doctors know everything (What!? Why again do we have all these books and loans?) Case and point: Ask an oncologist (cancer doctor) about the pain in your knee. They will stare at your knee blankly and then refer you to their orthopedic specialist friend–otherwise known as a bone doctor.

It’s called specialties. The discussion regarding specialties is ENDLESS once your doting and energetic pre-med student has received his med school acceptance letter. It is similar to choosing a major in college . . . except that you have to be 1000% sure that as an ophthalmologist, you are absolutely crazy about eyeballs, or as a radiologist, you love to eat, sleep, and dream about CT scans and dark rooms.

I recently spoke to a group of resident wives and one of them mentioned that she just didn’t know how to get her husband (a surgeon) out of a work slump. It was starting to affect his home life and their relationship. So, I suggested that she play Strip Operation.hasbro operation game (Yes, as in the Hasbro Game where you pull a frog out of the man with a pair of tweezers.) It was a great success because it got her involved in understanding what he does for hours a day and he got to see a fun and sexy side of his wife, which helped him out of his slump. Since then, I have been curiously interested in using physician personality traits as well as the unique aspects of each specialty to create some fun foreplay ideas specific to each line of work. The fun and silly results are as follows:

Emergency Medicine (ER doctor)
Go skydiving to get the adrenaline going. Speed home. Once there, run upstairs and cut off each other’s clothes off with trauma shears. Now naked, tell him EXACTLY what brought you into the bedroom. (Hint: His bulging biceps . . . not something that you love about him from ages ago.) Have great sex. Repeat.

General Surgery (the doctor that does all the surgeries you don’t see on Grey’s Anatomy)
Turn the air conditioner to 50 degrees. Turn on his favorite music. Play strip Jenga. Everytime he moves a block successfully, you take off an item of clothes and vice versa. (Hint: Do not count on him being unsuccessful. He has a Very. Steady. Hand.) Get naked. Have great sex. Recover.

Dermatology (the skin doctor)
Three words: Erotic sunscreen massage. Nothing gets a derm hotter than the correct application of sunscreen. Then how about a couple’s sexy mole check? Have great sex and follow-up weekly.

Radiology (the doctor that interprets CT scans and X-Rays)
Turn out the lights. Turn on the soft, sexy blue glow of an iPad. Ask about his stocks, investments, and Clash of Clans level. Have great sex. Report back.

Internal Medicine (the doctor in the hospital everywhere except the ER. Think of her as the Matlock of medicine)
Create a sexy mystery hunt in your house. At every clue, make your internal medicine physician answer no less than 14 questions about you. She will answer each question calmly and completely; incredibly attractive! When she finally makes it to the bedroom, be waiting there naked as her reward. Have great sex. Feel accomplished.

OB/GYN (the lady-parts doctor)
This one is pretty simple. Just be ANYTHING but hormonal, pregnant, or menopausal and you will have great sex. Period.

Anesthesiology (the doctor who puts you to sleep for surgery, also known in my house as the glorious lady who helped get multiple children out of my body sans pain)
Try giving these mathletes a chance to strut their stuff by asking them to add, subtract, or multiply large numbers throughout the day. Oooh and aaah over their quick answers. Later on, you can stroke their ego even more by telling them they can examine any part of your body below the neck. (Hint: This is uncharted territory for our anesthesiologist friends, so don’t be surprised if they have questions.) Have great sex. Sleep soundly.

Orthopedic Surgery (bone doctor)
Wear his lettered high-school football jacket with nothing underneath and challenge him to a push-up contest. (For added arousal, agree to watch his favorite Superbowl re-run from 1997.) Do some physical therapy stretching exercises, per his suggestion, have great sex, and then call and thank him because you are now running sub 6 minute mile due to his perfect sex prowess.

Truly, whatever job your partner has, medical or otherwise, the tenants of effective foreplay remain the same. Make your partner feel desired, loved, and interesting…even if that means you have to give a sunscreen massage once in a while.

This post is dedicated to the lovely ladies at Side-By-Side, a supportive group of Christian physician wives who inspire me to be a better woman and wife.

 

Celeste Holbrook is a sexual health educator and consultant who helps empower women and couples to live their best sex life.  [wow_button type=”square” size=”small” color=”mainthemebgcolor/blue/green/orange/black/violet/red/yellow/teal” fancy=”noshadow” url=”#” icon=”envelope” text=”Contact Celeste” blank=”true/false”]

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5 Comments

  • Reply
    Kathlene Harmon
    June 19, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    I am not in medicine but my husband is a massage therapist. His ex-wife is a nurse. He once made a crack at a rather intimate moment regarding my dressing up as a nurse … that was a deal breaker! We laugh often and this was one of those times. xo

    • Reply
      celesteholbrook@yahoo.com
      June 19, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      Hilarious! I often think that laughter must be one of the greatest bonds there is. Thank you for sharing Kathi!

  • Reply
    Sonja
    June 20, 2014 at 5:11 am

    You missed family medicine. My husband is about to start PGY2 and I’d love a fun suggestion though I guess I could just try from above based on what rotation he’s on. Thanks for this fun post.

    • Reply
      Celeste
      June 23, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      Hey girl! How could I miss family medicine. (Embarrassing!) So how about this: Use his white coat, nothing underneath, and give HIM the exam of his life! He’ll appreciate getting to relax in the “exam room” and he can give you tips on being more “thorough” with your physical. Happy fore-playing!

  • Reply
    melissa
    October 20, 2014 at 1:30 am

    Oh man! We are in PGY5 of Residency (Ortho) and I think* we just got our romantic life back, and in five months he has to study for the boards, so it will go away. It was REALLY difficult for us for a long time. I finally had to accept that he’s just tired, and this too shall pass.

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