The Myth of Scheduled Sex



I advise my clients to schedule sex.  To literally look at their calendar and make an appointment.  Call it whatever they want.  “Orchestra Practice” or “Making Origami Swans” or “Fruit Canning”  (This might also be a fun start for some sexual fantasy play…but I digress.)  The first thing that most clients say is, “Ahhh, no.  I don’t like scheduled sex.  I want sex to be fun and spontaneous!  Like when we first met!”

Oh really?  When you first met?  Like that time when you were both in grad school, living in separate cities and you only saw each other on the weekend?  Yeah!  That was pretty good sex huh.  You spent every day during the week thinking about Friday night and how it was going to be amazing to see your lover…and all the fun, frisky things you would do to each other.

Or when you fell head over heels for each other at work…and you both couldn’t WAIT to get off of your shifts and make a beeline to your apartment?

Or how you were best friends forever, but then one day you had that conversation and became a thing?  And then you looked forward to every Thursday night because that was usually the night of Scrabble and more?

 Everything was soooo spontaneous!

 Or was it?

 Actually, scheduled sex was happening, even way back then.  You just didn’t recognize it as much.  Maybe it wasn’t in your calendar, labeled as “Couple’s Scrapbooking” but it was pretty darn scheduled in your mind.

 Yes, I’m sure there were times where sex was completely spontaneous, and the act happened when you least expected it.  (Ah!  I didn’t shave my legs!!)

 But more often than not, you were thinking about the sex LONG before it occurred.  Thinking about what you might wear/not wear.  What you might do, see or feel.  Thinking about the moves, the emotion and the sensations.

 You were………..anticipating!

 This is key.  Scheduled sex works because anticipation makes sex awesome.  Anticipation about a scheduled event equals excitement and joy!

 On the flip side, anticipation about an unscheduled event equals anxiety and confusion.  Need an example?

 You want to go to Paris.  You have been in love with Paris since you were a teenager.  You know every quaint cafe that you would visit, every nook of the Eiffel tower and you already have a list of selfies you would take at the Louvre. (#MonaLisasmile?) So, when that bonus check comes in, you book a flight!  You buy a hotel!  You even get online tickets to your museum! You. Can’t. Wait.  Every minute that passes is one minute closer to the trip of your dreams.  Simply thinking about Paris, now that you have a confirmed date for your vacation, sends flutters of excitement up your spine.  The anticipation is beautiful!

 But what would happen if you never booked the flight. What if you weren’t sure you would ever make it to Paris?  What if you decided to wait until your trip spontaneously happened?  Would you still be excited?  A little. But you would also be anxious and possibly worried that you may never realize your dream.  You would have nothing concrete to get excited about.

 Here is another example.  What is the difference in excitement level in the girl who is dreaming about getting married someday and the girl who has a ring on her finger and a church booked?  One is anxious and the other one is anticipating.

 Harness the phenomenal power of anticipation.  Book that flight to Paris.  Buy the ring and set a date. Put sex in your calendar together, and then let the excitement build.

Utilize the gift of anticipation properly and scheduled sex may become your favorite sex of all.

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