You are having sex. Sex! Finally!! And it’s great. And all you can think about is…everything else. The laundry in the corner, the work project, the argument with your mom. The more you try to focus on your partner, the more your mind wanders, your thoughts spill from one side of your life to the other.
Should I paint this room?
Is the dog still in this room?
Shoot, did I give the dog her medication?
“What? Oh! Oh yes, honey, that feels nice. Keep doing that.”
Wait, is he looking at my thigh cellulite?
How many calories was that Hot Pocket?
Does my breath smell like a Hot Pocket?
Who cares? I’m having sex!
Wait, I care. I don’t want bad breath.
“What? Oh, yes. I’m fine honey. What am I thinking about? Oh, uh, I’m thinking about…YOU and how amazing you are at that thing you are doing. Uh, and I’m just going to go brush my teeth really quick.”
Now ladies, I’m speaking specifically to us today. We seem to have more difficulty (in general) than men do when trying to focus on just. one. thing.
That is why women are like pancakes and men are like waffles. When you pour syrup on your pancakes, it flows all over the top, down the sides and onto your plate (and sometimes onto the table). However, when you pour syrup on a waffle, with a just a small bit of effort you can control which square gets the sticky stuff and which does not. You can fill them all in, make patterns, go every other one. Whatever you like.
The syrup represents the aspects of your life. Work, relationships, kids, chores, responsibilities…the stuff that fills your brain. Men (in general) have an easier time compartmentalizing the aspects of their life. They are the waffles. When they are working, they think about work. When they are golfing, they thing about golf. And when they are having sex, they think about sex. This is a great skill to have for many aspects of life and can aid in better focus at work or in complicated projects.
Women (in general) are more like pancakes. Each aspect of our life is interrelated in our mind. We can think about workchildrenrelationshipschoresmoneyandfood…all at once. Or at the very least all in one 60 second period of time. The syrup goes everywhere, and it is difficult to control, even with a significant effort. Now, this is not always a negative trait. It takes a ton of brain space to think about all the little things that must be remembered throughout the day, especially with kids. So the “juggle” works well for us at times. The difficult part is learning how to turn off the flow.
So for all of us pancakers out there, let’s start practicing mindful focus. Rehearse applying yourself to one thing at a time, especially at those moments when you really need to…like when he is doing that thing and you are supposed to be focused on the pleasure of the moment.
Because trust me, this moment is more important than the laundry.