Tennis is a lot like sex. No really. The shift and change of one player’s movement is met with an equal and opposite action; similar to a lovely ballroom dance or the intimate connection between partners during good sex. Beautifully connected, two tennis players can be so in sync, so tuned in to one another that neither of them actually score a point. The pair is perfectly matched, in skill, ability, and mental acuity. And the score stays at zero…which in tennis is called (get this) love-love.
Do you recognize yourself somewhere in this story?
Marci and Jeff both had a busy day. Jeff had a big meeting with a client, and Marci had been rushing around the short-staffed hospital where she worked as an ICU nurse. By 9pm, they had finally gotten their daughter in bed, the dishes washed, final e-mails checked, and they had just sat down on the couch to blankly stare at a frazzling episode of Amazing Race. Out of nowhere, Marci turned to Jeff and asked, “Why don’t we just turn this off and head upstairs to bed?”
Lying in bed, they started to really discuss the stresses and accomplishments of the day. Jeff relived his mortifying, but hilarious, story about walking into his big meeting with his fly down. Marci couldn’t stop giggling. After a good laugh and a long sigh, they turned toward each other and made love. Nothing extraordinary, epic or overly romantic, but incredibly loving, intimate, and mentally relaxing. Afterward, they both fell into a deep sleep and woke up feeling refreshed.
This is love-love sex. Just like in the beginning of a good tennis match, when the score is even at zero and both players are perfectly matched in effort, ability, and initiative.
In love-love sex, the arousal score is even. Both partners are engaged and ready to play an intimate and perfectly matched game. A game in which they learn more about themselves and each other.
Unlike rally sex, love-love sex happens when both partners are yearning for a deeper connection, one that is not always completed with words. This type of sex is the kind that both of you want. The desire is mutual, and you are both ready.
Love-love sex is the platform for incredible intimacy between partners.
It is the sex that kinda begins with a conversation. The sex that is familiar and warm, cozy and cherished. The sex that starts with a discussion about your dreams and goals. The sex that whispers “I treasure you.”
It may not be the most exciting, flamboyant, over-the-top kind of sex you have ever had (see Olympic Sex!). However, it does foster a deep trust, security, and belonging–needs almost as important as food and water.
Know this. Love-love sex is good sex and good for your relationship.
And why is it so good? Love-love sex promotes INTIMACY.
Next week: Olympic Sex